well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
