my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
