Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
