Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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