You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
