dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
