well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
