...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
