Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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