I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize