It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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