I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
