New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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