We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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