everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
