dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
