I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
