I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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