I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
