She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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