when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
