someone threw a dead crab at me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
