pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
