I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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