Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
