I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
