i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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