yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
