Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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