last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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