I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
