tell your sister to shave her snatch
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
