what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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