I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
