he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
