My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i now understand why vodka
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
