Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
