Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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