I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
