You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
