This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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