you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
