Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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