i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
