No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
