Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
