What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
why do cheetos always look like penises
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
