WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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