Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
