this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
